The Cardons

Tonight at dinner Tanner said the simplest, sweetest prayer.  

"Dear Heavenly Father, We are thankful for this day and for this food.  Please bless it and please bless Dad and Mom and Mikey and Jake and me and please bless baby Luke that we will be able to be with him again someday soon."  

Tanner usually always blesses Luke in his prayers, that he will be safe and that we miss him, but tonight when he said that we would be with him again someday soon it just sank.  After he finished he looked over at me and gave me the biggest grin, because he knows that that is what I needed to hear.  Even if he is only 5....he knows....and he understands.

Jake blesses him in his prayers too....that he will come back soon.  It breaks my heart every time I hear it.   

So tonight instead of doing our previously planned FHE we headed to the cemetery.  I usually go quite often, but the boys haven't been in a couple of weeks so we went.  They were already in their pajamas and I went to find Mikey and told him we were going to the cemetery and he said "To see baby Wuke?  I wuv seeing baby Wuke!"  Again...tug at the heartstrings. Jake was all rearing to go.  He loves heading over there.   My boys know no different than to go visit their baby brother at the cemetery.  And this is normal to them.  Lukes gravesite is in a lovely cemetery.  We really lucked out to have a beautiful place to visit only 5 minutes away from us.  It is quiet and peaceful.  And Luke is in the perfect spot. There are trees all around...inparticular a large pine tree.  It has become tradition to collect pine cones for Luke because they want to share anything they can with their baby brother.  They will find every pine cone they can that has fallen from that tree and surround his headstone.  Sometimes there are very few.  

 We are still waiting the arrival of the permanent headstone.  We have been told it should be here this month.  But I love the small quaintness of Luke's temporary one.  And the remains of a grover sticker that one of the boys put on there 5 months ago.  

Tonight was beautiful.  The heat wasn't unbearable and there was a slight breeze.  You looked one way and you could see the orange and yellow of the sun setting....but then you looked the other way and you could see the pink and purple.  Something you don't see every night in AZ. 

And of course the best part tonight was that there were pine cones everywhere!  The boys were so giddy about how many they were able to give to Luke.  They kept telling us how happy he was going to be that he had so many.  Sweet boys.

I wish everyday that I could give him more than just pine cones.  And that the longing I feel will become more bearable.  But he is my baby and the void that I have is indescribable.  I miss him and I will every day of my life.  

I love you baby Luke.