Most everyone knows that Doug travels ALOT with work....pretty much year round. There are busier times and less busy times, but he still travels. The sad thing is is that I was used to it. We never liked it...but we got used to it because this is his job. And I was fine. After I lost Luke I could not bear the thought of Doug going out of town or leaving anywhere for that matter. It terrified me. I am pretty sure it was the thought of something terrible happening again and him not being there. As well as my mind wandering and replaying everything over and over. I have had a hard time sleeping and having him right next to me is sometimes the only thing that helps. There were trips that he switched around or that he cancelled because I wasn't ready for it yet. Thank heavens he does the work that he does and works with the amazing people that he does because there is no way that he would have been able to do that and stay with me if he were working for someone else(or not himself for that matter). We really have been blessed in that regard and I am BEYOND grateful. But there came a time when he had to go and as much as I didn't want it to happen....it had to. The following picture is what happens when he is away because without Doug and without Luke I just cannot sleep....at least right now....and I am not comforted without at least one of my boys next to me in my bed. Which I will have you know is quite opposite of what was happening five months ago. They all start in their own beds, but I will stay awake in my bed until one of them walks in and gets cozy. And for now...that is how we will deal with nights when Daddy is away. Because that brings me some amount of comfort.
