Easter Sunday was a particularly hard day for me. There are hard days and not so hard days, but  I am going to make it through this....I know I will.  And I loved this.. Like a fellow friend blogger who has experienced such heartache as we have has said "through it....not around it".  Because there is no such thing as going around the loss of our sweet Luke.  We will see him again and we will be with him again.  And HE will carry me through.

Jakes Par-Tay

The boys were so excited for the party to begin that they had to wait outside the front door until our first guests arrived!!  Yeah for cousins!!  Aunt Erin rolled in with the crew to get this party started!!

We started with a obstacle course that the kiddies loved... 

Doug put it together...hence the jump blocks.... 

Then there was balloon making...thanks to Riley!!  He did awesome!  

The wind was blowing pretty good though so they kept popping...

but everyone was getting into it!

And some basketball playing and games...

And some nacho eating and gatorade drinking... 

Then it was a song for the birthday boy!  He gets pretty shy and doesn't really like to be center of attention, but it was his party and someone had to blow out the candles!  As long as I was right by him he was fine.

Everyone gets so excited for present opening!  Where is Jake??

Oh, there he is!:)

Then it was time for a little cool down!  

The kids were getting wild and crazy!

And last but definitely not least...COTTON CANDY!  

Some kids may or may not have had three servings....just saying.

Happy Birthday to our newest 4 year old!  Love you to pieces!!

Jakey Turns 4!

Jake turned 4 today!  We seem to always be talking about the "next birthday" in our family.  The boys are always asking whose birthday is going to be next and when is it and then we have to go through the whole family so there is always A LOT of build up!   So when Jake's finally got here there was a ton of excitement!  He woke up the morning of his birthday to some packages and a new Radio Flyer Big Wheel!  (I have had that thing in storage for a couple years...thanks to my bargain gift stash... and I had Doug put it together the night before....don't worry that he put it together upside down before he put it together right side up!...It was so funny!

 After opening up his gifts he chose Hot Chocolate and toast for breakfast!  Jake loves him a good breakfast and Hot Chocolate is definitely his first pick!  Breakfast is by far the meal he eats the best.  It's always two or three bowls of cereal....two bowls of oatmeal...three pancakes...two cups of cocoa and lots of toast.  GREAT breakfast eater and an okay lunch and dinner eater!  After breakfast we cleaned up a little and we were off to get our free dozen at Krispy Kreme and to pick up some balloons for his party that afternoon!  

Jake is my hat boy....he loves wearing his hat!  He wears his hat every day sometimes just so he doesn't have to do his hair!  He has even worn it in the bathtub and no I didn't fight it until it was time to wash his hair, which he was fine with....but when he got out and dressed he put it right back on.  I am pretty sure he feels empty without one on!  Mammy and Papa gave him a new Colorado Rockies hat and Emma gave him an Adidas hat on his birthday so now he is so excited to have options!!

Jake is my snuggly little puppy dog.  He is the one that will sneak into our bed on a regular basis and cuddle right up.  He is also the one who is constantly asking his Daddy to wrestle.  He is very playful but can be very shy.  He had a hard time going to nursery for a while until he got used to his teachers and then he had a hard time going to Sunbeams for a while until he got used to those teachers.  Once he becomes familiar with you he usually lets down his guard.  His favorite snack ever is graham crackers and milk.  He would eat it every single day and sometimes he does. He isn't a huge fan or pizza....weird, I know.   He still likes to chew on everything.  I can always find something odd in his mouth....I swear he has all his teeth...I don't know why he likes to chew on stuff so much.  He loves to be outside and that is usually where I find him or where ever Tanner is.  They are pretty much inseparable....really.  He loves preschool and gets excited to go!  (hopefully it stays this way when Tanner and him are at different schools next year!)  He can't wait until he is five so that he can get a booster and not have to sit in his car seat anymore.  He loves to dance and be goofy.  He thinks he is pretty funny most of the time and he loves to make Tanner and Mikey laugh.  He likes to growl and try and scare Mikey.  It is actually a game they are playing constantly because Mikey thinks its funny and runs and Jake chases him like a growling raptor.  He has to have his pants tight enough that they won't fall down or even sag too much or he won't wear them.  And he also has to have his shoes tight enough so that they won't fall off, or no shoes at all which is usually how it is around these parts. 

We sure do love our JakeyMan!!!  Happy 4th Birthday!  

His sports party is coming up next!!

Swimming Lessons

Swimming lessons have officially started up!  That was definitely a perk to not moving anywhere this summer.  We always seemed to leave AZ in April right when everyone is starting swimming lessons and I could never get them in until the middle of the summer anywhere else!  And back east it was even harder to find some place that would do it without me getting in the with the boys....so let's just say we are very happy about swimming lessons these days! Thank goodness Kels has come with me a couple of times because I have lost my camera but fortunately she has taken some pics for me!

This is Mikey's first go at lessons.  The first day he wanted to be playing on the play structure because that is what his brothers were doing(he has to do everything they do)....the second day he wanted to go straight in and jump off the diving board and was mad that that is not how they do it in his class....by the third day and after a lot of talking and him telling me "Mikey no cry" he was in heaven!  It is not that Mikey doesn't like the water....that was never the issue, he just had to figure out how it all worked!

 Tanner and Jake couldn't be happier!  They both HAVE to have their goggles while swimming and they have come a long way in just the two weeks that they have had so far. One more week in our first session and then don't you worry...we have signed up for another three weeks!  It will be awesome to see what they have accomplished!  The boys look forward to it everyday...well, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday is when we have it, but they ask every other day if we get to go too!  It is a bit of a drive for us, but totally worth every minute!  The teacher is awesome and the boys are doing great!  

Doug and I have decided that even if we served the rest of our life we will forever be indebted to all of the service that our family has received in the last couple of months.  From family to friends to ward family to neighbors and to those who don't even know us we are so indebted.  It really makes you want to be more aware of others that surround you and the burdens that they might be carrying or the trials that they are dealing with in their lives.  Sometimes you really just don't know what people are dealing with and it makes you want to just serve....serve....serve.  

This week has been an interesting one.  I have had more than a couple of occassions that I have been placed in situations where I really just don't know what to say. One was when a lady at the store told me that I had my hands full with my three boys that were so close in age!  And Tanner replied..."Yeah, but we actually have four boys....my baby brother Luke just died!"  Oh how that caught the nice mother of two little girls off guard.  It also caught me off guard a little and I didn't know what to say really.....neither did she.  After a long pause she softly said that she was sorry to hear that and Mikey helped her little girl with a book she was trying to get and off they went. And you know what I thought?  I thought how sorry I was too that I couldn't have had my hands full at the store with my four boys instead of my three.  I want so bad to have my hands full with all four!    

Another occasion was when I met two other young mothers who also had three boys each and were "patting me on the back" that my three boys were so close in age and that it seemed to them that I was a little behind if I was trying to keep them all so close!  Again, I paused for maybe a minute but what seemed like forever and proceeded to tell them that actually I do have four boys and that I had recently lost my baby.  I know they both felt very awkward as did I since I had never met them and I could tell that they both wanted to insert their foot in their mouth.  It didn't really get much better from there for me because they were trying to make me feel better about my loss by talking about some things that they had gone through and I am still very vulnerable at this point.  I know they didn't mean anything hurtful by it and a lot of times people just don't know what to say.  

That is okay though.  I am learning A LOT right now. I am sure that I have said the wrong thing on many of occasions when I don't know everything about a person.  But this whole grieving process can be pretty exhausting sometimes....and there is no downtime.  Just when you think you can catch your breath, you get a phone call about another hospital bill or have to finish things up with the permanent gravestone.  And then your thoughts begin again....Is he really not coming back? Is my baby really not coming back??  This is real and everyday is real and somedays are worse than others.  

April Conference 2011

Does anyone know who this man is?  Or are you thinking to yourself..."I know I have seen this man before but I just can't put my finger on it?"....let me help you...

Walking into Chick Fil A yesterday and sweet Jakey says "Mom...look! It's Pwesident Monson!"

All Kels and I could do was laugh because although I feel very strongly for this amazing man(who goes by the name of S. Truett Cathy if you were wondering:)) who founded  and created an amazing fast food restaurant known as Chick Fil A that has the best service...the best food...and the cleanest atmosphere for a fast food chain I have ever been in....I still feel the spirit more when I see and listen to the real "Pwesident Monson".  So here is to seeing a little more of this man this weekend.... Happy Conference!