Doug and I have decided that even if we served the rest of our life we will forever be indebted to all of the service that our family has received in the last couple of months. From family to friends to ward family to neighbors and to those who don't even know us we are so indebted. It really makes you want to be more aware of others that surround you and the burdens that they might be carrying or the trials that they are dealing with in their lives. Sometimes you really just don't know what people are dealing with and it makes you want to just serve....serve....serve.
This week has been an interesting one. I have had more than a couple of occassions that I have been placed in situations where I really just don't know what to say. One was when a lady at the store told me that I had my hands full with my three boys that were so close in age! And Tanner replied..."Yeah, but we actually have four boys....my baby brother Luke just died!" Oh how that caught the nice mother of two little girls off guard. It also caught me off guard a little and I didn't know what to say really.....neither did she. After a long pause she softly said that she was sorry to hear that and Mikey helped her little girl with a book she was trying to get and off they went. And you know what I thought? I thought how sorry I was too that I couldn't have had my hands full at the store with my four boys instead of my three. I want so bad to have my hands full with all four!
Another occasion was when I met two other young mothers who also had three boys each and were "patting me on the back" that my three boys were so close in age and that it seemed to them that I was a little behind if I was trying to keep them all so close! Again, I paused for maybe a minute but what seemed like forever and proceeded to tell them that actually I do have four boys and that I had recently lost my baby. I know they both felt very awkward as did I since I had never met them and I could tell that they both wanted to insert their foot in their mouth. It didn't really get much better from there for me because they were trying to make me feel better about my loss by talking about some things that they had gone through and I am still very vulnerable at this point. I know they didn't mean anything hurtful by it and a lot of times people just don't know what to say.
That is okay though. I am learning A LOT right now. I am sure that I have said the wrong thing on many of occasions when I don't know everything about a person. But this whole grieving process can be pretty exhausting sometimes....and there is no downtime. Just when you think you can catch your breath, you get a phone call about another hospital bill or have to finish things up with the permanent gravestone. And then your thoughts begin again....Is he really not coming back? Is my baby really not coming back?? This is real and everyday is real and somedays are worse than others.
16 comments:
Sara, I have been thinking about you so much lately. A dear friend of mine went through your exact same situation almost 2 years ago and I have watched as she has struggled, suffered, grieved, and even started to heal. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I do know that there are people out there that DO know and do understand completely. Most importantly the Savior.
I was talking to my friend about you--asking for advice on what I could possibly do or say. She offered to talk to you or e-mail you or anything if you are interested. She also told me that I could share her blog with you--it's http://thedenvernelsons.blogspot.com/
I'm so sorry and we are thinking about you and praying for your family!! Let me know if you want to talk to my friend. My e-mail is lindsay_e_mcfadden@yahoo.com
It is so good that you talk about this instead of stuffing it inside and wondering what's normal. I think any reaction you have is normal. Luke was (is) so beautiful, smart and sweet. We were all going to enjoy watching him grow up--especially in your great family! I want to be there to witness your reunion...it will be special and worth it!
Oh Sara, Dad is leaving today and I am so excited he is coming home, but it was a comfort to me to feel that there was a piece of me close by. This is a bittersweet day.
I love you so much Sara. There are no words. xoxoxox Heather
I pray for you everyday, Sar. Sometimes it's a constant stream flowing from morning to night. I love you so, so much.
Sara, We are so thankful that you are our beautiful daughter. We are so proud of you and Doug and the example of strength you are to us. Know that you are never alone and that all of us, friends, family and a loving Father in Heaven are standing beside you to help you on this journey, difficult as it is.
We love you.
Mom
you are so brave. Every time i read your posts i end up in tears. I cannot imagine what you are going through. It doesnt seem fair that things like this happen, and it isnt. We pray for you and think about you all the time.
I love, love, love you.
the grieving process is such a strange thing.
i know our grief is separate and different, but it is grief non the less. its true, sometimes people say things and floods of emotions overtake you. people mean well, but sometimes the complete wrong things are said. still though, i know people are genuinely trying to say things that are helpful and comforting (even if its really not).
it truly is amazing how you see so much service when trials come. people are incredible. and a lot of times, they dont realize how much a simple phone call means.
it becomes a huge blessing to be able to empathize with others and know how you can help them in small and large ways once you have dealt with an enormous trial yourself. i count that much as a blessing. how grateful i am that now i have a greater determination to help others, because i understand how much others have helped me.
i hope you are doing ok. i think about you guys and pray for you often. thank you for being such a great example. i love you guys.
Oh man, I just wrote a huge note to you and it erased. Goodness. Just wanted to drop a line and let you know that I love you and I'm still praying for you guys. I just hope your pain will begin to ease with each day that passes. I'm so sorry you have to go through all the crap you talked about in your post. Just something else to feel angry about. Thanks for getting on here and sharing your feelings. It helps us to understand just a titch of what you're going through. It's not fair huh....Oh I just want to hug you as tight as I can. Love ya.
I knew from the beginning that these moments were going to happen. The first time was when your neighbor asked you about your children and I knew right then that this question was going to be easy to answer yet hard to hear for everyone involved in the conversation. I know that you have been blessed with Tanner for his conversational personality to help ease those moments, with Jake for his shyness to cling on to, with Mikey for his craziness to completely distract if you want him to, and Luke's pure sweetness to help comfort your heart every time you need him too .. :) Heavenly Father blessed you and Doug with quite the package if you ask me. Couldn't be more grateful for those 4 boys! Doesn't make it easier, but I know it helps. I love you! I hate not being there every time something happens to be your Midge! It kills me! Your strong.. I love you!
You are handling your grieving process with beautiful grace, Sara.
Oh sara I'm so sorry, I don't want to sound like those one girls. but I'm there with you. The worst was when the tax guys says you just need to have kids that will help you with not owing taxes, I got really teary eyed and just left. Talk about awkward. But the worst is when people try to give you a sympathy talk about so and so's brother in laws sister went through the same thing and XYZ happened. I hate those conversations!!!! keep in there I'm not going to say it gets easier but may just maybe you;ll learn how to handle it better. love you sara.
I am so glad you have the courage to talk about it. My little sister lost her baby last year, and she doesn't really bring it up to anyone. I know it hurts her that no one really knows what she is going through. I know it's hard, but talking about it helps, and the more people who know, the more prayers can be said in your behalf. :) We love you, Sara.
Sara, I love you so much! I think of you everyday, and am amazed how strong you are. Those expereinces must have been so hard, and I am sorry. I am always here.
Sara, I am always thinking about you and your family. I am sorry that you have to go through conversations like that. You are strong and I truly love you. Thanks for always being a good example to me and to so many people. You four beautiful boys, well five counting Doug:)
Post a Comment