Lucky Me

Mother's Day was great this year....but also very very bittersweet.  I know I sound like a broken record when I say that, but it's the truth.  I just can't help but think that Luke should have been there too, which is a thought I have constantly.  I know a lot will be be bittersweet this year....holidays, birthdays, vacations...I know he will always be with us, but it's just not the same.

Doug and the boys spoiled me beyond belief.  Saturday I was able to go down to Peoria and spend most the day with Kelsey at a baby shower her friends threw her down there.  So Doug kept all the boys and they went shopping.  I heard from Tanner that they had ventured to the mall...and I thought to myself "Holy Cow...Father of the year award!"  Even I don't take them all to the mall anymore...that just screams nightmare.  But they did it!  And I am sure they had fun too!  They really went above and beyond and I am so lucky to have these boys that make me the mother that I am. One of the sweetest gifts I received was a nice fold out chair that I could take to the cemetery every time I go visit Luke.  It was the perfect gift.  And it is a gift that I never thought would mean so much....so when Doug brought it in and said Luke wanted me to have this(the chair) so that I wasn't always sitting on the ground, the tears fell.

Tanner and Jake both made me a beautiful picture that their teacher shrunk down and put in a charm so that I can wear it on a necklace.  Such a sweet gift and they were so excited to give it to me that they couldn't wait until Mother's Day....they actually both opened them up for me on our way home from preschool Thursday.  So the celebrating started a tad bit early. :)

I love being a Mom.  I was raised by the most AMAZING mother!  She exemplifies everything that I hope to become. And maybe that is why I grew up always knowing and always wanting to be a mom.  That's it.  I never had a strong desire to venture much into the business world or go any other direction than a mother.  Doug knew I was ready to start a family when we got married but would tell me that he wanted to be selfish with me for a little bit and that there is no rush.  But after being married only six months I can still remember the day he said to me "I don't know why I wanted to wait....why would we wait? ".  I remember just crying because I was sooooo excited and anxious to start our family!  

I am so blessed to be the mother of my four precious boys.  There is a special bond between boys and their mother.  They are so sweet and loving and soooo protective....like when their Daddy tries to wrestle their mommy and they get scared or attack him because they don't want anything to happen to me.:)  I love them for that.(mostly because I hate being pinned down and tickled)

 Thank goodness they are so forgiving and understanding because I know that I have not been able to be the mother that I want to be the last 4 months since losing Luke.  I wouldn't trade it for the world though.  It's not always easy, but it is definitely always worth it.  

Doug gave all three of these rascals a buzz in honor of Mother's Day...ha!  or maybe just in honor of summer coming up!  I knew he was going to do it because I could tell he was more anxious than usual to give them their haircuts and he always tells me he is going to but I never let him:)!  I walked in after talking to Mom on the phone and he was on the last one....I should have known not to leave him alone with the clippers!:)  Actually though, they all LOVE them because that means they don't have to do their hair and it is one less thing to worry about when trying to get these boys out the door!