Time....If I am really being honest, right now I am really hating time. Time is the only thing keeping me from being with my baby again and yet at the same time, time is one of the only things that may somewhat heal my completely broken heart here on this earth. Kind of ironic don't you think? I want time to go fast....yet I have to be patient and allow it to take its course and help heal me from the trauma of losing my baby. A little more than eight weeks ago I found my little Lukey not breathing while he was taking a nap. After enduring the unknown for the next 24 hours, he passed away in my arms. It was so heart wrenching and yet he went so peacefully. To say that I miss him would be an understatement of the century. I ache for my baby every minute of every hour of every day. I yearn to hold him and have him smile up at me. If I said that I wasn't mad that it was my baby that had to go, then I would be lying. There is not a moment in the day that I am not thinking of my little Luke. I know he is in a much better place, he is in the best place. And I know that the only way I will survive this trial is by turning to the Lord. And that is what we have been doing. I am taking it one day at a time and I am trusting in the Lord, because that is all that I can do right now. And I know the Lord is aware because he is giving me the strength I need for these 3 rascals. Because quite frankly they may need me, but I really need them.
40 comments:
I love you Sara. So much.
You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday. Love you!
Sara,
I just read your comment on my blog. I am so sorry to read of your heartache and loss. So, so sorry. I can relate with the sorrow and emptiness you are feeling because I feel it too. My arms just ache for our sweet Bennett. Ache. And I have faith in the eternal blessings that lie ahead for us but - frankly - they seem forever away. I know you know what I mean.
I will pray, pray, pray for you, Mother Heart. We MUST keep going. We must. We both have three little kiddos depending on us and looking to us to show them how to Heal. We've taught them how to Live and now we must teach them how to deal with Death. It's a heavy responsibility but who better to teach them than their beloved Mommies.
Love to you. I look forward to having a new friend to walk down this road with me. It's not one I would of chosen, but companionship makes it a little more bearable. xoxoxo
Cristina and I continue to pray for each of you!
Sending our continuing love and prayers.
I think about and pray for you often!
you all are such an inspiration to me. Thank you for the beautiful post about your beautiful baby boy.
I think of you and your family often. You are in my prayers. You are such a strong woman.
Sara, thank you for posting that post. It really touched me and I think about you everyday! I loved the insight you have gained on this tragedy and I know you are being surrounded by countless angels. I love that little picture of luke. So priceless!
Thinking of you, Doug and those sweet crazy boys. Know that we are praying for your comfort and peace. There is no better mother on this earth. Love you.
always thinking of you!!
Sweet Sara, I love and adore you and your family. We think of you, and pray for all of you, every single day. I know words can't express how much we all hurt for you, Doug, and the boys, so just know that we love you all soooo much. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. xoxo.
oh sara. i am so blessed to know you. thank you for being such a wonderful example to me. my heart breaks for you. please know that we love you and pray for you every day.
this is kyrsten geddes by the way.
I am so sad to hear of your loss. My heart really goes out to you, I can't imagine what you're going through right now. But just think Luke was such a special spirit that he only needed to come to the earth for such a short time to fulfil his purpose and the trial of life. You and your family will be in our prayers.
I love you more than words and actions even begin to show! We all do!!!
sara,
what a heart felt post. you are always in my prayers. i hope time is kind to you & helps bandage your broken heart. you are an amazing woman & an inspiration to all moms. we love you & your little guys. i still think your boys are the dang cutest i have ever seen... maybe even cuter than mine ;) & that saying a lot!
keep up with the posting... i miss seeing all the nonsense that goes on with you guys.
much love,
katie
Love you sara...always thinking of you all. Love u so much!
When I heard about this I just cried and ached for you! You have seriously been in my thoughts and prayers! I don't know how I could cope with loosing a child. I gave a lesson on Sunday to my YW about eternal famalies and thought about yours. How truly blessed we are to have that blessing & knowledge. Like you said, that time when your family can be together forever again seems SO far away but at the same time it is comforting to know that you will see & be with him again some day! I want you to know I look up to you and what a wonderful example you are. You have a beautiful family and at the random times the "Cardons" have been brought up, I can't say anything but wonderful things about Doug, you OR your boys! Please know that you will continue to be in our prayers! Your sweet little Luke is just adorable!
love you sara. It was very courages of you to write this. I wish could relate to you and maybe I would be of some help, but I know in my trials of infertility I had to turn everything to the lord. Not that he stopped the pain but he gave me strength to move forward in life. As the song says in" I know that my redeemer lives" I took great comfort in the words " He lives to silence all my fears, He lives to wipe away my tears, he lives to calm my troubled heart." I hope those words give you comfort. love you sara, my prayers are with you.
Sara, I love you so much! And I miss being with you guys! I think about you all the time.
We are so richly blessed to have you. I love YOU!
Oh Sar. I love you.
Sara,
I cried when I found out about your sweet little Luke. My heart just aches for you and your family. I know that the Lord knows your pain right now. In time, he can and will heal your heavy hearts and buoy you up. Although your time here with him was short, how great it is to know that he is yours forever. My prayers are with you. Love to you.
"Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last."
Love you, Sarbear.
Sarah,
I was not expecting to read this. I just keep saying OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH! I am so sorry. Lately going through my own trials I have to know that GOD knows what each of us is going through and he is THERE, oh how he is THERE. I am so so so sorry. My heart breaks for you. Your family will be in my prayers.
Love you so much! Thinking and praying for you always!
I love love love you! You are awesome and this post is just what I needed to put things into perspective after having a bad day today. xoxoxoxo
Doug and Sara, we are praying for you guys everyday since I heard the news. I hope you got all my messages. I'm sure I didn't say all the right things and I really truly wish I could take all your pain away. We love you guys and miss you guys. Thanks for being you and giving so many people a great family to look up to. You have more strength than anyone I know and I only hope I can be half the mom you are. Love you:)
We love you guys. We are thinking of you and praying for you as well. I feel so spoiled because of the strength and hope you and Doug have given us through your examples. You guys are rock stars. I think of the pioneers and all the trials they went through, especially losing children, and you are right up there with the most elect. They are cheering you on from the other side. Keep fighting. Love, Katie
I love you Sara...your faith and strength have strengthened my testimony. You might not think that you are strong, but you are. So very much so. Know I am here whenever you need me..although not close physically..just a phone call or text away.
Hello, I hope you don't mind a stranger leaving you a comment. I came across your blog from the comment that you left on my friend's blog, Sunshine Promises. I just wanted to tell you how sorry that you are aching. My heart breaks for you. I had my first child in March 2010. So I now "get" what it means to have mother's love. I can't comprehend what you are going through. You have a beautiful family. We will be praying fervently for you and your family from California. -Desiree
Such sweet pictures of all your boys!, Ive always thought that you have the most beautiful babies!
I think about you all the time! Our continuing prayers go out to you!
much love!
I'm thinking and praying for you often. I know you know that sweet Luke was so strong and valiant that he just didn't need much time here on earth, but also remember that you and Doug were so strong and valiant that Heavenly Father knew that you would be amazing as Luke's parents.
You and Doug have the most amazing family! We were in complete awe of the wonderful spirit in your home and truly appreciate and loved the time we spent with you. I think about you often and always have. You are guys are true examples to us all. We love you!
P.S. The girls are always pretending and setting up scenerios. Normally it's "pretend we are teenagers." But while driving home Ellie said "Pretend we are twin sisters, best friends and always let our kids play together." : ) We all had such a great night! Thank you!
Your faith and strength amaze me. I can't imagine going through what you have but know that you are headed in the right direction to heal taking it day by day and trusting in the lord. You and your family are in my prayers. Love ya!
Sara, I just read this post and my heartbroke for you and Doug! I feel so sad for you guys. My niece died at 6 months of SIDS and I know how devastating an unexpected loss like that can be. Such sweet innocent babies. I will be praying for you guys!
Love you Sara! I truly think about your little family all of the time! You are loved by so many people!
Hi Sara- I am proud of you for blogging! It will be so theraputic for you to write and thanks for letting the rest of us know more about you that are in your new 'hood.
I love your faith in The Lord. It is so inspiring.
You are amazing. x
Liz
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